A recent New York Times article has spurred some interesting conversations among my friends with children. In “Parenting While Plugged In” reporter Julie Scelfo examined the issue of whether parents’ increasing use of cell phones, blackberries and other mobile devices is harming their kids.
We already know it isn’t healthy to let our children spend hours each day on the computer or playing video games. But in her article, Scelfo poses the question of whether we as parents are harming our children by not restricting our own use of technology in their presence. She cites a 5-year MIT study which found that children often feel jealous and hurt when their parents are constantly checking their devices and logging on to social networks instead of parenting. One mother from Chicago is quoted saying that her 3-year-old son now sets the microwave timer to let her know when she’s spent too much time on her smartphone and not enough with him.
Reading that made me stop and think about my own habits, especially when I’m around my young daughters. Do I furtively steal glances at my phone during playtime if I get a notification about a work email? Guilty. Do I occasionally pop on to my social networks to catch up with my friends when the girls and I are curled up on the couch watching a movie? Guilty again (side note: I cringed a few months ago when I watched the girls play with my camera and one of them exclaimed “Oh! Great picture! I have to put it on my Facebook!” She’s 5 and doesn’t have a Facebook account, but still, you get the point).
So what am I teaching my girls when I read that work email during playtime? Am I subconsciously telling them that work is more important than they are? I hope not, although did give me pause. I’d like to think that the amount of quality time I spend with them more than makes up for those brief time-outs I have to take to respond to an urgent email request.
Interestingly, one expert Scelfo quoted did point out that parents have always had distractions, and it’s impossible to say whether mobile technology is actually causing more distraction. Frederick J. Zimmerman is a professor at UCLA’s School of Public Health. He says: “Distracted time is not high-quality time, whether parents are checking the newspaper or their BlackBerry.” He also notes that not all distracting technology is bad news for kids. Zimmerman points out that technology now allows many parents to work from home, giving them more time with their children.
Although the article scared some moms I know into imposing temporary Facebook and email bans on themselves, I’m choosing instead to simply reevaluate how often I reach for that phone when I’m with my girls. Granted, ignoring that flashing green notification light can sometimes be tough, but they’re worth it – without a doubt.
-Contributed by Amy Erickson. Follow her @amyerickson
Great article and a great find.It’s been time for parents (especially dads) to unplug for awhile. It’s amazing what a difference 15 minutes a day of focused attention can make in the lives of our children.
Unplugging is not only from electronics. We’ve become dependent on things to make us better parents. Toys, storybooks, parenting videos, baby training stuff and more have been adopted by parents, replacing the chance to develop our innate parenting skills.
For some time, I have been encouraging Dads especially to disconnect a bit, learn a new story to tell from their hearts and mind to truly engage their children. If you want you kid to talk to you at 13, you need to start telling them stories at 3.
As well, we need to teach our children to disconnect. There is great value in our technology but more and more, as I work with teens, they can’t disconnect from their electronic pacifiers. For a while it was .mp3 players, now it’s cell phones.
Three cheers for unplugging adults! Put down the phone, the blackberry and the story book. Look your kids in the eye, reach out and touch them and tell them your stories.
They’ll answer back.